FML.

I'm not really stressed. But I'm not really cool either. I'm just crazy irritated. I don't really know why I am so irritated. I just find it so hard to keep things together. Like, I'm usually a pretty neat and organized person. I don't know what the  fuck is going on with my life, but my living quarters are a hot ass mess. My drawers in my desk don't even close because they're full of papers and other bullshit that I need to take care of. I have a lot of work to do and it bothers me because I never get the chance to do it.  I really don't have much pending now, but there have been days where I just said, "'Fuck this." and went to sleep. Mind you, this was probably at 5:00 in the morning.

I find it very hard to be satisfied because I don't really want to call myself a perfectionist, but I just have certain tendencies that cause me to get rather irritated. Sometimes I'm very grateful for being able to supress my anger. I get very pissed off, but I just don't show it because it draws attention, and the last thing I want is unnecessary attention. i find myself stopping myself from saying or doing things quite often these days. 

OH MY FUCKING GOSH. my english teacher fucking called me today saying that there was something wrong with a transition in my essay or something so my paper failed, but she's giving me a chance to fix it. By the way, if we fail this paper, WE FAIL THE COURSE. I was rather heated, but I calmed myself, and just went to read my essay again. I am going to fix the problem, and that bitch better not fail my motherfucking paper.

I went to the lounge to call her back to reason with her. And I swear I had to call her 7 times before the damn line was clear. UGHH. I was kinda almost shaking a little bit out of anger, because I get really angry about my grades. especially if its an irrelevant subject like English. I envisioned myself throwing one of the chairs in the lounge through the wall. I think I almost did it. But you know, I quickly got over that.

I just advise people to avoid my angry persona because it's something that has gotten me in trouble many times, and its just a part of me that I would like to get rid of, but can't. But luckily, people think I'm very calm and collected and unable to get angry. It does take a lot to make me angry, but its just something that none of us want. 

I kind of envisioned myself ripping my laptop apart too. haha.

oh......shit.

lol

but i need a stress reliever. or supressant. like a drink or something. i think i'd be very enlightened. haha.

later days.