update?

With school appraching, i'm not sure how often i will be blogging, as scarce as my blogs already are lol.

Just some updates and opinions.

I move in to the new apartment/house/dwelling/thing on August 29th. I'm kind of looking forward to it, but there are things that I'm not looking forward to. It will be an amusing life to live, and definitely a lot of laughter and whatnot, but I also have to remember that I am moving in with two very dynamic personalities. I think I'm a character myself. So imagine two more characters. But i'll live. lol

I'm taking a Chemistry class, a 300 level Biology class, and a Math class (even though i'm finished my math requirements). Then I have a class for my minor, Introduction to World Politics. I've decided I'll take the Gen. Ed courses at my own pace and discretion, because they're much easier, so I can take those one by one, and also online or over the summer. So needless to say, I'll have a lot of work to do this semester, and it only gets worse from here. But I'm okay with that. I need to try my hardest to not get any C's this semester, because last semester i screwed up and got one in Statistics :-/ . i'm just glad I passed at least.

Sooo yes. Hmm. I think I'm done for now.

You know, this is a f**ked up place.

You know, I just realized some things. Well, I didn't just realize them, but they kinda slapped me in the face...Why the heck is college so expensive? I understand that it's not mandatory, and they need funds to keep the school up and running...materials, scholarships and all that, but it's just really sad. It's unbelievable now many people can't go to college, or had to drop out, or had to leave a 4 year university to go to a community college because of money. It's not fair. I'm grateful that I don't have to go through that, but I just think that it's really fucked up how people can't pay for school. Everyone should be entitled to higher education if they really want it.

Then you have the critics who say things like "Well, if you have good grades, you can just get a scholarship, anybody can go if they really want to." I think that is a load of BS. So if you didn't have at least a 3.0 GPA in high school, and you aren't rich, it means you don't want to go to school? And then, even the kids who have excellent grades and SAT scores can't even get the money that they need.

But another thing that really pisses me off are the scholarships and grants you get when you apply via FAFSA. They do a lot based on your parents income. So there are kids whose parents don't make enough to pay full college tuition, or so the government thinks. That's very humble, and i appreciate the financial aid for those who really need it. But what about students like me? Students that the government thinks that their parents make too much money, so they don't get a dime? Offered a measly loan? A loan? Really? I'm blessed to have a grant that pays for some of my schooling, but I don't get a dime from Maryland's Federal aid or State aid. But guess what? High income parents have expenses, too. With large income comes large expenses. 9 times out of 10, kids whose parents make good money live in more expensive houses. That means higher mortgage, probably a higher electric bill, and definitely higher maintenance living.

It really sucks how the system is, but there's not much that can be done about it, especially in this crappy economy. The economy is affecting parts of everyone's lives, in regards to healthcare, defense, college tuition, employment, and commercial industries. There are people who can't get affordable health care. There are people who can't find jobs, or have been laid off. People are not selling like they used to. It's because nobody has money. We're at a severe deficit right now. It's probably worse than what they want to tell us. And there are different reasons for these things.

Many people dislike Former President G.W. Bush because of their perceptions of him and his decisions made on this country. I don't think the man should be blamed. This is not an authoritarian government, it is not an anarchy, and it is not a dictatorship. There is no King, Czar, Prime Minister, Emperor or Lord. This is a democracy, meaning that any Act, ordinance, or law passed between January 2001 and January 2009 was discussed with various commitees, Congress, the House, and the Senate. Yes, I believe he had some flawed views. But I disagree with they way people slander him.

Then other people seem to think that President Obama is Jesus or something. Talking about this guy, saying he's making everything worse, and he hasn't done anything to fix the economy. He has barely been president for 8 months. The mess took 8 years to create, it just might take that long to fix...or longer.

Maybe we'll have a miracle.

Or a Herbert Hoover ► Franklin D. Roosevelt transition.

We don't know.

we won't know until people shut up and go with the flow. I was watching CNN yesterday and they showed all these angry protesters and their congressmen. Heated arguments. It's terrible, but that's how it is.

Well that's my outlook today.

Thanks a bunch for reading. I'll be tweeting a lot about things like these, so follow me on twitter.

www.twitter.com/tripscore

School is approaching...

Haven't written in a while. Uhh...i don't have much to say, but I've been thinking about school and all that. I really need to make sure that this school year is flawless. The more credits you already have, the harder it is to bring up the GPA. Frostburg is cool and all, but I don't know if I want to ( or should) graduate from there. Frostburg is way cheaper than UMBC and College Park, but I'm sure that the quality of learning might be a little better. I mean, FSU isn't that bad, it is in the same university system as UMD and UMBC. (But then again, so is UMES and Bowie :-/) but I really don't know, and quite frankly I just feel lost in a sense.

I have plans to go to medical school, and medical is no joke when it comes to admission. I have to work hard. i mean HARD. And i just feel that I would have a better chance of fulfilling that dream if i transfer out of Frostburg. I really want to go all the way and not give up. i thought about giving up, and choosing something else, but that just isn't me. I considered just going to grad school and getting a masters in something Forensics-related. I thought, why not just finish medical school, and if I still want to, specialize in Forensic Medicine? I do want to be a doctor, but I don't want to be a pediatrician, or a geriatric doctor, or an OB/GYN. I want to do something a little bit different. So I know others are out there that feel something like I do.. But i just need to avoid distractions this school year and keep up the work I'm doing. i can't afford to be caught slippin. lol.

SO I'm not going to let someone else influence anything I do in life. Everything I'm doing is for me...and who knows, i might change my mind again...(but I doubt it).

School is approaching again, and I need to start getting things ready for that. I will be moving into an apartment with two friends and I am anticipating the worst to say the least. Not that anything is wrong with them, but I just like to be prepared. i'm not going to waste my time doing anything silly this year, because obviously there isn't any time for that. Not that I was doing anything sill last year, but I'm just saying. it won't start. I just can't wait to start doing work again, I don't know why, maybe I'm looking forward to working hard and doing well.

But i'm going to do the best i can for real this time. I did well last year, but I can do better.

Ehhh i think that's it.

Haha

Thanks for reading.

♥

just to write something

Nothing has really been going on lately.

I'm currently taking an online summer class. Introduction to Sociology. Its a really easy class, so I just do all the assignments as soon as they're posted and get them over with.

Hm...what else.

Still looking for work, got two offers but they don't meet my standards. I applied to the Walter's Art Museum and the Great Blacks in Wax Museum downtown. Both offered me 'volunteer' positions....meaning that I will not get paid...and you know, I really don't see the point in working right now if they aren't paying me...might as well have gone back to GBMC. So i've applied to other places, and I'm sure that someone will respond.

Other things...

I've lost two family members in the past month, gone to one wedding, one baby born. So, being a part of a very appreciate and festive culture, i've been pretty busy. I've watched more kids than most people willl ever talk to in a lifetime. Put babies to sleep, feed them, change their diapers. The toddlers require the most attention, because kids that have recently learned to walk love to explore. they to run around and touch things. The kids that are older, are the easiest. Put them in front of a TV, give them a game, some snacks, and juice...tell them if they behave they get rewarded...they'll leave you alone. Maybe one day I'll open a daycare, of course, i won't be working in it. =]

No purpose to this blog, really.

I have plans in my future to accomplish a lot of things. Even if my parents don't agree with my career path, it just lets me know that I can't afford to make any mistakes...so they can't say "I told you so." As long as i'm successful, they have nothing to worry about...

I guess advice..my advice...

Always have someone to talk to. Don't keep things pressurized inside of you, it makes you crazy. Take it from me.

Buh-bye.

bliss.

don't judge me.

you don't know what i'm thinking.

you don't know what i've seen.

you didn't know me when i was born, or even now...

and surely nothing in between.

you don't know what i've done

nor do you know what i have said;

you won't know me today, tomorrow,

and you won't know me when i'm dead.

you don't know what i'm not thinking.

you don't know what i haven't seen.

you still didn't know me when i was born, or even now...

and definitely nothing in between.

you don't know what i haven't done

nor do you know what i haven't said;

you won't know me today...or tomorrow

and surely not when i'm dead..

but with patience...

i might share what i'm thinking

and the things i have seen

i'll tell you when i was born

and everything in between.

i'll let you know what i have, and have not done

and what i may or may not have said.

meet me today, and know me tomorrow...

and love me when i'm dead.

a fallen star continues to shine.

Again, I am writing a blog, apparently something that I don't really do as often. I'm writing it from my phone, because for some reasons and more, my internet in my house is not turned back on yet. Well, actually I figured out how to tether my G1's 3G connection to my computer. But its not really stable.

It has been an interesting, yet, boring summer so far. I've been to DC a couple times, hung out in PG a little bit and definitely hung out with my godsisters and brothers and cousins and all that. I still have not seen my friends, as what said in the last blog I wrote. I'm probably going to see them soon.

But I don't want to forget why I remembered that I had a blogspot haha. Yesterday, we lost one of the biggest and by far the awesomest and most talented performer in history. Michael Jackson was a part of all of our lives, especially those of us who are heavily influenced by music like myself. I know everyone has been saying this but I really did grow up with Michael coming out of the speakers. My parents have always been Michael fans, owning many, if not all of his videos. I used to watch these videos with my brother sometimes. My parents are the main reason that I even know Michael Jackson songs. Whenever there is a party in my house, MJ will be in rotation somewhere. My mom cried when she heard he died. My dad looked hurt too. But my little brothers, they looked soo disappointed because they love listening to MJ. They watch the HisTory DVD at least one or twice a week. They were excited when they saw one of his performances on TV. We all were watch CNN in hopes that he was just sick and he would get better. I can't say that I'm a huge, diehard MJ fan, but I definitely can call myself a fan who really appreciated and understood what his music is all about. I don't remember a tme where I didn't know who michael jackson was. He was just always there. He's a part of my household. And now everyone who spoke trash about him has turned the tables. All the publicists who once laughed and jeered at him are now calling him the best thing that ever happened to them. Michael Jackson made me see what perfection in music was. Music has been a part of me since day one; my instruments are my best friends, and MJ showed flawlessness. He makes you want to do music the right way, spend hours practicing even when you're tired, don't half ass it, play the beat the way it is written. Incorporate individuality in your music and art. He never missed a beat or a note. No autotune. No lip sync. No stunts. Pure talent.

I want to send out my love and gratitude to the Jackson family, those who knew Michael the best. I send great condolences to his parents, because NO ONE should EVER have to bury their child. I send prayers that his children will be okay, and that Joe and Katherine never have to bury another one of their kids, and that all of Michael's siblings will have the same.

Rest in Peace, Michael Joseph Jackson. (August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009)

fed the fuck up.

i have not written a blog in a while for several reasons. those reasons include the fact that i havent had constant internet access lately. another reason...i havent really had much to talk about...well i suppose nothing i want to share with the world haha. its nothing, really. i can write blogs on my g1, but its sooo much easier to just write blogs on the computer. But today, I just felt like writing.

I have been back from frostburg for 6 days shy of a month. Surprisingly so, I have done a lot, but for a reason inexplainable, I have not been to randallstown, gwynn oak, or bel air while I've been back. And I can't say that its not y fault, however I can't say I'm not completely responsible for it either. The 3 towns I just named happen to be the residences of my closest friends. I don't know it its just because I moved. I don't know if its because I don't care. Because I can't help my nonchalantness...trust me, I'm working on it. But what really fucking ticks me off is that some people expect me to get up at the drop of a dime and go visit them when they seem to make absolutely no effort to come see me. I moved, damn it. Only one of my best friends has actually come to see me at my new house. And that was brittany (elite). That says a lot. Jessica had the fucking nerve to tell me that I need to come down to bel air and chill at kiersten's house. For what? You don't talk to me. I hear from kiersten more than I hear from her, and wouldn't have a problem going there. But this is jessica, my alleged best friend since elementary school, one my first friends I made after moving to baltimore county. She wouldn't even know kiersten if it wasn't for me. We all went to the same middle school, kiersten didn't know jessica went to deer park until we were in high school. They had absolutely no connection.

But me being the nice bitch that I am, let my friends mix in together and now I have created a whole new collaboration.7 so I think jessica went to Bel Air. Bel Air is in Harford county, mind you. I still live in baltimore county, and I still live closer to randallstown than kiersten does. But it seems to be more convenient to travel there than to visit me in the same county. Its cool. Honestly I can say that I don't care, but I'm just pissed off that jessica had the fucking nerve to tell me where I need to be. So when people come bback to their sense and realize the lack of sense they are showing, I'll be here. Not to mention, I did come to bel air over my winter break. Spent the night too.

I still talk to brittany on a regular basis, if not on the hpone, we definitely text. She hasn't changed much. I haven't seen her either but we still talk and laugh and joke like always. And I have texted kiersten occasionally. But jessica...no. if I didn't know any better I would assumed she died or ran away to Peru. And I'm okay with that. There are some friends that you really don't need to talk to every day. But it seems like Albert is the only one of close friends that talk to like every day. Not because I make a bigger effort to him than I do everyone else, he seems to make the bigger effort THAN everyone else...maybe its because I have never gotten completely along with girls, strange as it may seem. I think girls are too sensitive and dramatic and have too many issues for me to keep up with. I just don't like girls except the ones that take the time to see past my ill tendencies. I grew up with males. I have 3 brothers, no sisters. Male cousins mostly. I was friends with their friends. The female cousins I do have are just like me. So when it comes to friends, I relate better to males because I am hardly emotional, girly or needy. And that is what I'm told that makes me stand out from other girls. But like I said, my friends (most of them) are the exceptions. They're weird like me. And with the exception of brittany, we all grew up with boys. But we just don't seem to have the same interests. I'm not really interested in anything, I like to take whatever comes at me. They like to party and talk about boys and shit. Not that its a problem but iget sick of it. I'm not pressed at all. 9 times out of 10 if I like someone, I won't say it because its not that important to me. And I'm also sick of jessica and kiersten bringing up my past all the fucking time. Its nothing bad, trust me, but a while back, they claimed that I kept secrets and shit from them about a guy I talked to in fucking middle school. Petty. I'm a private person, I can't help it. And middle school, as far as romantics are concerned, is irrelevant. It is. Who the fuck care about anything before high school? And through high school I didn't keep much to myself. But I just don't like to talk about myself in that aspect. Its my business and my decision whether or not I care to share it. I hate assumptions that any male I utter 2 words to has to become a love interest. Its so annoying.

I remember jessica kept saying that me and albert should go out. WHAT THE FUCK. Nothing against him but...no. why would I ruin our friendship like that and besides that he went with 2 of my best friends. No sir, not me. Besides, I don't look at him like that anyway. Let me live my fucking life and don't make any of your stupid predictions with me about who's going to have kids first and blah blah blah. They make me sound like a creepin ass ho sometimes. Which I am far from. Shit, its not my fault that people like me. I don't have to dignify them though.. if I dignified every person who liked me, I would be a very unhappy person, and things would have happened that I would regret now. Nature takes its own course.

Don't get me wrong, I still care about them, but if anyone knows me even a little bit they know I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. I don't care if it makes you cry or whatever. Maybe I'm the fucked up one. But I just had to get that out of my head and let it be known how I am and the way it goes. Nothing I said can't be repeated in person. But this is the gentle, calm, less harsh version. I still love my friendss, they make a part of my character, and I would hate to lose them completely. But I think we all need to be in one place and talk this shit out. I want to speak my mind. And they can say their feelings to me too. I don't care. Its for the better. Instead of pretending shit is dandy and cool and just throw a best friend title on me, let me KNOW. Tell me that its not just a front. Because we are the most distant best friends I have ever seen in my 18 years of existence on this dear planet.

I don't pick favorites, but they make it so hard. And none of them have a blogspot, so they probably should never see this, but if they do, so be it. Maybe I'll give them the link to it. I don't want to seem like I'm asking for attention but damn, I'm just not going to be quiet anymore.

This is the longest it has ever taken me to write any blog...ever. as much as I love to prove a point, I don't like saying things quite like this. Perhaps I'll get over it. =]