green warning labels

just writing...haven't written anything in a long time. been looking at the views on this blog, and they always increase when i write, but decline rapidly the longer i go without writing soemthing, so i'm going to hopefully write more often to keep the numbers up.

i need topics. so just...um, give me topics. thanks....=]

What to Look For (Or Avoid) in An Off Campus Apartment

Hey everyone,

It's currently finals week, so I don't want to waste too much time here, but I did makes some videos over the weekend. This set is called "What to Look For (Or Avoid) in an Off Campus Apartment." I hope you guys like it, please check it out...it's on youtube so check it out, leave comments and SUBSCRIBE!

Best wishes

-♫trip

highly anticipated albums of the year, and what i think.

the most anticipated albums of 2009 in my opinion have actually impressed me to say the least, which surprising because i haven't really been much of a mainstream hip hop listener until recently, since music in that genre is showing a little bit more promise these days. there is good stuff out there, you just have to look past the trends and material hype of the media and all th

at. we will never have another hip hop era like the 80s and early 90s, but instead we have a whole plethora of other things. i think that's what we've been failing to see. some music of our time, yes, is complete garbage. but it depends on who you ask. these artists wouldn't make it anywhere if everyone thought their music sucked, right? but obviously people like me will never be a part of the vast majority all the time.

So I've downloaded some albums, simply because I don't buy albums...I have other things to spend my money on, and I'd much rather have everything on my hard drive so i can bluetooth them to other computers and my phone without having to rip anything.

So I'm going to write these reviews. Hear what I have to say, and maybe at the end if I'm not sick of writing, I'll say a little bit more.

First up: Jay-Z's The Blueprint 3

This album when it came out didn't really excite

me because I thought it was another one of those albums that everyone wants just because of the artist and his associations. I was helping one of my friends out with his math stuff one day, and he was asking if he could come over and download it, since he lives in a dorm, and torrents and file sharing will cost you a hefty fine. So he asked me if I've heard it yet, and i said no, I haven't. I had intentions on listening to some 30 second clips, but never downloading the entire thing. So he said, it's good stuff, and I should give it a shot. This person has an interesting taste in hip hop, so I was like, well it can't be that bad. So I downloaded it, and listened to it. It's not like any

thing that Jay-Z has put out before, the beats are more captivating, and I've always kind of liked his rapping style. Actually, I like a lot of northern rappers because of the way they rap. and he had collaborations with a lot of other artists like Kid Cudi, Alicia Keys, and Kanye West...and there was a new guy named J. Cole I liked a lot. So overall, I think it was a good album considering the state that music is in. I give it a B+.

Next Album: Kid Cudi: Man on the Moon: The End of the Day (i hope i remembered it correctly)

Great Album, I don't think anyone was expecting any of the stuff on it. Kid Cudi gave everyone a rap impression with "Make Her Say" featuring Common and Kanye West, which is one of my favorites on the album. Most of this album, though, is a rap-sung style. a lot of his verses are sung which is some different stuff in the game these days. Which is pretty cool. I like his whole surreal, out-

of-this-world theme that he has going on. His music videos also reflect that. I think his music is good for listening, and just that. Some of them are foot-tappers, but not really a get-up-and-move album. I still really like it though. "Man on the Moon" and "Enter Galactic" are also some good ones to hear. I also liked his mixtape that was released earlier (A Kid Named Cudi), two songs called "Embrace the Martian" and "50 Ways to Make a Record". 50 Ways is a sample of a song called "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon, recorded in 1975.

Overall, GREAT ALBUM.

And...Wale, Attention:Deficit

I love this album. I heard better lyricists as far as the cadences and syncopation in their raps, but Wale has a way with words. There are some artists that you can tell whether or not they know how to use the English languages and the words in it, or if they're just trying to make their bars rhyme. He has a nice flow though, and it's good stuff for a debut album. Wale has been around for a while, but this is his first real thing, and I think it's pretty good. The only song on there I change when it comes on is called "Pretty Girls" featuring Gucci Mane. And you probably know why. I really like"Diary" and "TV in the Radio" featuring K'Naan. The first time I've heard K'Naan rap was when he had a freestyle at the Hip Hop Awards or something last year. I liked his freestyle, and his verse on "TV in the Radio" is also a real nice one. Wale's album in my opinion was pretty impressive, and i know a lot of people who like "Chillin" featuring Lady Gaga. She kinda reminds me of M.I.A. in that song, but whatever, it's cool, I like it. I also think it's cool that DC and PG county are kinda on the map now, and Wale is also a Nigerian who happens to be from the same tribe as I am, which really didn't influence my opinion before. Just interesting to know.

GOOD album, I give it two thumbs up.

---------------

as far as the whole industry is concerned, I really want to hear more of J. Cole, K'Naan and there are some others I can't think of.

Oldies? LAURYN HILL. hands down. she is one of best female vocalists ever. I still listen to eminem's Slim Shady EP and the Marshall Mathers LP. Curtain Call is good too, eminem is VERY talented, i don't understand that garbage he put out this year. but it's different, so I respect it. Bizzare and some other D-12 artists are also pretty good, listen to a song called "No One's Iller", it's on Slim Shady EP, and there's a song called "What's the Difference" on Dr. Dre's 2001 album.

Hope you liked my review! you know, despite all the typos i probably had in there... hahahahaasjdhajshdas=]

let's switch things up a bit.

So, I kind of want to get into my blogging more, people say they like my blogs and I should write more of them, but I think I'm thinking too hard about it lol. So I'm just going to start doing random shit, and my goal is to write something at least once a week.

Ok, so lately, I've been thinking that I don't want to lose the little bit of talent I have in music..lol so I want to improve my piano skills back up again. I want to get at least as good as I used to be. It won't be easy, but I think it's worth it. I can still read music, thank God, but I can't do it as fast as I used to. Like I see the notes and know what they are, but I've been away from the keys so long, I actually have to look down at my hands. So then I have to label my music to save myself the time lol.

Ughhh but it's annoying and I will overcome it. I decided that on Tuesdays, after my World Politics class, which is over at 12:15, I'll go to the Performing Arts Center and practice some stuff. I think that should build up my skill a little bit. And any other time that I might happen to be on campus with nothing to do, I'm going to go there.

I miss my fucking keys man...I used to just play for the sake of playing, like playing instruments used to calm me down when I was upset about things. But it's almost lost to me now...

So I'm learning this song called, "One Time" by Justin Bieber, you've probably heard it before, and you probably are asking "What the hell" when I said that. Yeah, Justin Bieber may seem a little cheesy, but when the song is played on the piano, it's amazing. The sheet music that I took a picture of is the simplified version...I'll do the more advanced one when I get better again. The piano arrangements that I've heard people transcribe on youtube sound so beautiful so I decided that I wanted to try that song. A lot of people who do this song sing along with it, but I'll decide whether or not to do that once I learn the chords...and ALL the words to the song.

I'm pretty sure that I'll never record it though. lol

But I will record myself playing something, once I get up and running again.

Otherwise, I think I'm doing pretty well...uh huh.

I think I'm going to start making greater use of my youtube. I don't know what I'll be doing, maybe I'll do some video blogs sometime. like when I go places. But yessir, that is my blog. =]

Hope you likedd....

-trip.

to nobody.

Things are easier said than done

such an overused phrase...

but it's so true. i never realized how true that was

and as a result, my mind has started to travel

all my train cars have separated

taking different roots at these divergent tracks

and it's confusing because they all travel at different speeds

some don't even stop to wait

talkless of looking back...

they don't wait. they don't take the time to listen

they just zoom on past like they weren't just part of one train

this train that has been whole for ages

they just, you know, kept going,

leaving their exhaust smoke behind choking the green car

the green car is the car of reason

the middle car that kept everyone together

but soon as we reached these divergent tracks..

it's like we never existed

but things that you did before start catching up to you

like that person who was only a few minutes late for the train

and you left them anyway...so now they're stranded in a

wasteland town

or the inoperable train car you just left behind

without so much as a glance

or that illegal 'detour' you took

that now obviously leads to nowhere that we know

or the secrets kept among the train staff

"what happens here, stays here" right?

but then everything comes into fruition

and we later realize that

everything that we did...or they did

stays with you forever

no matter how much you try to forget this

integral part of life

it's okay. it's fine.

i promise.

i don't lie now

believe me, i won't...

but those things you said

bring me to different conclusions

you know...it's funny how someone's actions

impact, influence, completely alter and sometime denature your previous notions

or forced thoughts

but you can't deceive yourself forever.

if you think you can...you're a fool.

fool - foolish - foolishness can't decide

what to think

it's probably unclear what context i'm speaking in

is it third person

or first person

third omniscient?

i love playing tricks with you

you're so vulnerable my dear.

you...?

doesn't exist. just a understood word for whoever is reading this

i think i'm starting to sound like a mentally unsound person

because i'm probably not making any sense

but that's great. really it is...

please. just...

just...

understand me.

music, when we meet again...

i think most people who appreciate music can agree with me when i say music has deteriorated as a whole. like everybody who was somebody back in the day has either taken a huge hiatus, retired, or died :( but its crazy the direction that music has headed. it's depressing. I can't even religiously listen to mainstream music or music that comes out nowadays for the most part. most of it is GARBAGE. like I'm waiting for Lauryn hill to get it together and come out with something. even if its just an album with like 5 songs on it, that's fine lol. Lauryn hill has disappointed me with her antics, but I'll never forget that she is a freaking musical genius. how many artists do you know that can do everything that she did; excelling in singing and rapping? and don' tell me that you didn't love sister act II.

And hip hop has been falling apart for a long time. but to clear things up, I don't think "Soulja Boy single-handedly killed hip-hop" as Ice-T said. I actually respect Soulja Boy to some extent because hip hop started out as a music of originality. Not saying he's the most original artist out there, but I'd listen to him over Hurricane Chris any day. talking about, "let's get ratchettttt". what the hell?

But if I had to choose the best rappers of today in my opinion, it would be Eminem (even though Relapse kinda sucks), Kanye West (even though he's really, really cocky), Common, Kid Cudi, and there are a few others but I can't remember them right now.

But I stick to old school as far as music is concerned. Ever since Michael Jackson died, I've been listening to him, The Jacksons, the Jackson 5, and some of the Jacksons' solo projects. There really is no other family like the Jacksons'.

And everything else, like i said, OLD SCHOOL.

But maybe music will rescue itself for everyone's sake. Music is a huge part of my life, and I'm not just saying that because everyone else does. Every part of it, the instrumentals, the arrangement, I notice it. Knowing music and its history is important to me, so I listen to everything from Tchaikovsky to the Al Jolson and Cab Calloway.

you know what's funny...I'm listening to DMX right now. Isn't he in jail? lol.

but you know, that's really just the gist of it. Bottom line is, I am disgusted by music right now.

I have something funny for you guys to listen to. On Eminem's Relapse album, there is a skit called "Steve Berman"

"you took vacations while the music industry melts the fuck down?"

hahahaa

but thanks for readingggg. later.

i guess. ♥

update*

Been in school for like a week now, and things are going pretty well so far. I'm looking forward to the challenges that may be presented before me. It was a good first week, So far I like my classes, and I love my housemates; even when they're being assholes. heheh. The apartment is really nice, and I'm liking the way that everything is set up so far.

Biology is probably going to be the most annoying class that I have because the teacher has a really really strong accent and no one understands a word he's saying, yet I still have to take notes in his class. But I'll be okay.

Chemistry is okay so far, I've refreshed my appreciation for math now that I have Calculus. I kind of like Chem so far. Let's see how long that lasts.

World Politics is kind of annoying too because the teacher expects everyone to just talk to each other randomly. I didn't come to the class to talk to other students. I came to learn. Shit.

Then my math class is pretty cool, the professor has a great way of teaching it.

What else...

We went out last night and it was...interesting. Just interesting and I'll leave it at that. :) The people I hang out with are really funny.

Just an update while I still have time to write. I've done all my homework like a week early despite the fact that we have Labor Day. Hope I can keep it up.

Laters.

update?

With school appraching, i'm not sure how often i will be blogging, as scarce as my blogs already are lol.

Just some updates and opinions.

I move in to the new apartment/house/dwelling/thing on August 29th. I'm kind of looking forward to it, but there are things that I'm not looking forward to. It will be an amusing life to live, and definitely a lot of laughter and whatnot, but I also have to remember that I am moving in with two very dynamic personalities. I think I'm a character myself. So imagine two more characters. But i'll live. lol

I'm taking a Chemistry class, a 300 level Biology class, and a Math class (even though i'm finished my math requirements). Then I have a class for my minor, Introduction to World Politics. I've decided I'll take the Gen. Ed courses at my own pace and discretion, because they're much easier, so I can take those one by one, and also online or over the summer. So needless to say, I'll have a lot of work to do this semester, and it only gets worse from here. But I'm okay with that. I need to try my hardest to not get any C's this semester, because last semester i screwed up and got one in Statistics :-/ . i'm just glad I passed at least.

Sooo yes. Hmm. I think I'm done for now.

You know, this is a f**ked up place.

You know, I just realized some things. Well, I didn't just realize them, but they kinda slapped me in the face...Why the heck is college so expensive? I understand that it's not mandatory, and they need funds to keep the school up and running...materials, scholarships and all that, but it's just really sad. It's unbelievable now many people can't go to college, or had to drop out, or had to leave a 4 year university to go to a community college because of money. It's not fair. I'm grateful that I don't have to go through that, but I just think that it's really fucked up how people can't pay for school. Everyone should be entitled to higher education if they really want it.

Then you have the critics who say things like "Well, if you have good grades, you can just get a scholarship, anybody can go if they really want to." I think that is a load of BS. So if you didn't have at least a 3.0 GPA in high school, and you aren't rich, it means you don't want to go to school? And then, even the kids who have excellent grades and SAT scores can't even get the money that they need.

But another thing that really pisses me off are the scholarships and grants you get when you apply via FAFSA. They do a lot based on your parents income. So there are kids whose parents don't make enough to pay full college tuition, or so the government thinks. That's very humble, and i appreciate the financial aid for those who really need it. But what about students like me? Students that the government thinks that their parents make too much money, so they don't get a dime? Offered a measly loan? A loan? Really? I'm blessed to have a grant that pays for some of my schooling, but I don't get a dime from Maryland's Federal aid or State aid. But guess what? High income parents have expenses, too. With large income comes large expenses. 9 times out of 10, kids whose parents make good money live in more expensive houses. That means higher mortgage, probably a higher electric bill, and definitely higher maintenance living.

It really sucks how the system is, but there's not much that can be done about it, especially in this crappy economy. The economy is affecting parts of everyone's lives, in regards to healthcare, defense, college tuition, employment, and commercial industries. There are people who can't get affordable health care. There are people who can't find jobs, or have been laid off. People are not selling like they used to. It's because nobody has money. We're at a severe deficit right now. It's probably worse than what they want to tell us. And there are different reasons for these things.

Many people dislike Former President G.W. Bush because of their perceptions of him and his decisions made on this country. I don't think the man should be blamed. This is not an authoritarian government, it is not an anarchy, and it is not a dictatorship. There is no King, Czar, Prime Minister, Emperor or Lord. This is a democracy, meaning that any Act, ordinance, or law passed between January 2001 and January 2009 was discussed with various commitees, Congress, the House, and the Senate. Yes, I believe he had some flawed views. But I disagree with they way people slander him.

Then other people seem to think that President Obama is Jesus or something. Talking about this guy, saying he's making everything worse, and he hasn't done anything to fix the economy. He has barely been president for 8 months. The mess took 8 years to create, it just might take that long to fix...or longer.

Maybe we'll have a miracle.

Or a Herbert Hoover ► Franklin D. Roosevelt transition.

We don't know.

we won't know until people shut up and go with the flow. I was watching CNN yesterday and they showed all these angry protesters and their congressmen. Heated arguments. It's terrible, but that's how it is.

Well that's my outlook today.

Thanks a bunch for reading. I'll be tweeting a lot about things like these, so follow me on twitter.

www.twitter.com/tripscore

School is approaching...

Haven't written in a while. Uhh...i don't have much to say, but I've been thinking about school and all that. I really need to make sure that this school year is flawless. The more credits you already have, the harder it is to bring up the GPA. Frostburg is cool and all, but I don't know if I want to ( or should) graduate from there. Frostburg is way cheaper than UMBC and College Park, but I'm sure that the quality of learning might be a little better. I mean, FSU isn't that bad, it is in the same university system as UMD and UMBC. (But then again, so is UMES and Bowie :-/) but I really don't know, and quite frankly I just feel lost in a sense.

I have plans to go to medical school, and medical is no joke when it comes to admission. I have to work hard. i mean HARD. And i just feel that I would have a better chance of fulfilling that dream if i transfer out of Frostburg. I really want to go all the way and not give up. i thought about giving up, and choosing something else, but that just isn't me. I considered just going to grad school and getting a masters in something Forensics-related. I thought, why not just finish medical school, and if I still want to, specialize in Forensic Medicine? I do want to be a doctor, but I don't want to be a pediatrician, or a geriatric doctor, or an OB/GYN. I want to do something a little bit different. So I know others are out there that feel something like I do.. But i just need to avoid distractions this school year and keep up the work I'm doing. i can't afford to be caught slippin. lol.

SO I'm not going to let someone else influence anything I do in life. Everything I'm doing is for me...and who knows, i might change my mind again...(but I doubt it).

School is approaching again, and I need to start getting things ready for that. I will be moving into an apartment with two friends and I am anticipating the worst to say the least. Not that anything is wrong with them, but I just like to be prepared. i'm not going to waste my time doing anything silly this year, because obviously there isn't any time for that. Not that I was doing anything sill last year, but I'm just saying. it won't start. I just can't wait to start doing work again, I don't know why, maybe I'm looking forward to working hard and doing well.

But i'm going to do the best i can for real this time. I did well last year, but I can do better.

Ehhh i think that's it.

Haha

Thanks for reading.

♥

just to write something

Nothing has really been going on lately.

I'm currently taking an online summer class. Introduction to Sociology. Its a really easy class, so I just do all the assignments as soon as they're posted and get them over with.

Hm...what else.

Still looking for work, got two offers but they don't meet my standards. I applied to the Walter's Art Museum and the Great Blacks in Wax Museum downtown. Both offered me 'volunteer' positions....meaning that I will not get paid...and you know, I really don't see the point in working right now if they aren't paying me...might as well have gone back to GBMC. So i've applied to other places, and I'm sure that someone will respond.

Other things...

I've lost two family members in the past month, gone to one wedding, one baby born. So, being a part of a very appreciate and festive culture, i've been pretty busy. I've watched more kids than most people willl ever talk to in a lifetime. Put babies to sleep, feed them, change their diapers. The toddlers require the most attention, because kids that have recently learned to walk love to explore. they to run around and touch things. The kids that are older, are the easiest. Put them in front of a TV, give them a game, some snacks, and juice...tell them if they behave they get rewarded...they'll leave you alone. Maybe one day I'll open a daycare, of course, i won't be working in it. =]

No purpose to this blog, really.

I have plans in my future to accomplish a lot of things. Even if my parents don't agree with my career path, it just lets me know that I can't afford to make any mistakes...so they can't say "I told you so." As long as i'm successful, they have nothing to worry about...

I guess advice..my advice...

Always have someone to talk to. Don't keep things pressurized inside of you, it makes you crazy. Take it from me.

Buh-bye.

bliss.

don't judge me.

you don't know what i'm thinking.

you don't know what i've seen.

you didn't know me when i was born, or even now...

and surely nothing in between.

you don't know what i've done

nor do you know what i have said;

you won't know me today, tomorrow,

and you won't know me when i'm dead.

you don't know what i'm not thinking.

you don't know what i haven't seen.

you still didn't know me when i was born, or even now...

and definitely nothing in between.

you don't know what i haven't done

nor do you know what i haven't said;

you won't know me today...or tomorrow

and surely not when i'm dead..

but with patience...

i might share what i'm thinking

and the things i have seen

i'll tell you when i was born

and everything in between.

i'll let you know what i have, and have not done

and what i may or may not have said.

meet me today, and know me tomorrow...

and love me when i'm dead.

a fallen star continues to shine.

Again, I am writing a blog, apparently something that I don't really do as often. I'm writing it from my phone, because for some reasons and more, my internet in my house is not turned back on yet. Well, actually I figured out how to tether my G1's 3G connection to my computer. But its not really stable.

It has been an interesting, yet, boring summer so far. I've been to DC a couple times, hung out in PG a little bit and definitely hung out with my godsisters and brothers and cousins and all that. I still have not seen my friends, as what said in the last blog I wrote. I'm probably going to see them soon.

But I don't want to forget why I remembered that I had a blogspot haha. Yesterday, we lost one of the biggest and by far the awesomest and most talented performer in history. Michael Jackson was a part of all of our lives, especially those of us who are heavily influenced by music like myself. I know everyone has been saying this but I really did grow up with Michael coming out of the speakers. My parents have always been Michael fans, owning many, if not all of his videos. I used to watch these videos with my brother sometimes. My parents are the main reason that I even know Michael Jackson songs. Whenever there is a party in my house, MJ will be in rotation somewhere. My mom cried when she heard he died. My dad looked hurt too. But my little brothers, they looked soo disappointed because they love listening to MJ. They watch the HisTory DVD at least one or twice a week. They were excited when they saw one of his performances on TV. We all were watch CNN in hopes that he was just sick and he would get better. I can't say that I'm a huge, diehard MJ fan, but I definitely can call myself a fan who really appreciated and understood what his music is all about. I don't remember a tme where I didn't know who michael jackson was. He was just always there. He's a part of my household. And now everyone who spoke trash about him has turned the tables. All the publicists who once laughed and jeered at him are now calling him the best thing that ever happened to them. Michael Jackson made me see what perfection in music was. Music has been a part of me since day one; my instruments are my best friends, and MJ showed flawlessness. He makes you want to do music the right way, spend hours practicing even when you're tired, don't half ass it, play the beat the way it is written. Incorporate individuality in your music and art. He never missed a beat or a note. No autotune. No lip sync. No stunts. Pure talent.

I want to send out my love and gratitude to the Jackson family, those who knew Michael the best. I send great condolences to his parents, because NO ONE should EVER have to bury their child. I send prayers that his children will be okay, and that Joe and Katherine never have to bury another one of their kids, and that all of Michael's siblings will have the same.

Rest in Peace, Michael Joseph Jackson. (August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009)

fed the fuck up.

i have not written a blog in a while for several reasons. those reasons include the fact that i havent had constant internet access lately. another reason...i havent really had much to talk about...well i suppose nothing i want to share with the world haha. its nothing, really. i can write blogs on my g1, but its sooo much easier to just write blogs on the computer. But today, I just felt like writing.

I have been back from frostburg for 6 days shy of a month. Surprisingly so, I have done a lot, but for a reason inexplainable, I have not been to randallstown, gwynn oak, or bel air while I've been back. And I can't say that its not y fault, however I can't say I'm not completely responsible for it either. The 3 towns I just named happen to be the residences of my closest friends. I don't know it its just because I moved. I don't know if its because I don't care. Because I can't help my nonchalantness...trust me, I'm working on it. But what really fucking ticks me off is that some people expect me to get up at the drop of a dime and go visit them when they seem to make absolutely no effort to come see me. I moved, damn it. Only one of my best friends has actually come to see me at my new house. And that was brittany (elite). That says a lot. Jessica had the fucking nerve to tell me that I need to come down to bel air and chill at kiersten's house. For what? You don't talk to me. I hear from kiersten more than I hear from her, and wouldn't have a problem going there. But this is jessica, my alleged best friend since elementary school, one my first friends I made after moving to baltimore county. She wouldn't even know kiersten if it wasn't for me. We all went to the same middle school, kiersten didn't know jessica went to deer park until we were in high school. They had absolutely no connection.

But me being the nice bitch that I am, let my friends mix in together and now I have created a whole new collaboration.7 so I think jessica went to Bel Air. Bel Air is in Harford county, mind you. I still live in baltimore county, and I still live closer to randallstown than kiersten does. But it seems to be more convenient to travel there than to visit me in the same county. Its cool. Honestly I can say that I don't care, but I'm just pissed off that jessica had the fucking nerve to tell me where I need to be. So when people come bback to their sense and realize the lack of sense they are showing, I'll be here. Not to mention, I did come to bel air over my winter break. Spent the night too.

I still talk to brittany on a regular basis, if not on the hpone, we definitely text. She hasn't changed much. I haven't seen her either but we still talk and laugh and joke like always. And I have texted kiersten occasionally. But jessica...no. if I didn't know any better I would assumed she died or ran away to Peru. And I'm okay with that. There are some friends that you really don't need to talk to every day. But it seems like Albert is the only one of close friends that talk to like every day. Not because I make a bigger effort to him than I do everyone else, he seems to make the bigger effort THAN everyone else...maybe its because I have never gotten completely along with girls, strange as it may seem. I think girls are too sensitive and dramatic and have too many issues for me to keep up with. I just don't like girls except the ones that take the time to see past my ill tendencies. I grew up with males. I have 3 brothers, no sisters. Male cousins mostly. I was friends with their friends. The female cousins I do have are just like me. So when it comes to friends, I relate better to males because I am hardly emotional, girly or needy. And that is what I'm told that makes me stand out from other girls. But like I said, my friends (most of them) are the exceptions. They're weird like me. And with the exception of brittany, we all grew up with boys. But we just don't seem to have the same interests. I'm not really interested in anything, I like to take whatever comes at me. They like to party and talk about boys and shit. Not that its a problem but iget sick of it. I'm not pressed at all. 9 times out of 10 if I like someone, I won't say it because its not that important to me. And I'm also sick of jessica and kiersten bringing up my past all the fucking time. Its nothing bad, trust me, but a while back, they claimed that I kept secrets and shit from them about a guy I talked to in fucking middle school. Petty. I'm a private person, I can't help it. And middle school, as far as romantics are concerned, is irrelevant. It is. Who the fuck care about anything before high school? And through high school I didn't keep much to myself. But I just don't like to talk about myself in that aspect. Its my business and my decision whether or not I care to share it. I hate assumptions that any male I utter 2 words to has to become a love interest. Its so annoying.

I remember jessica kept saying that me and albert should go out. WHAT THE FUCK. Nothing against him but...no. why would I ruin our friendship like that and besides that he went with 2 of my best friends. No sir, not me. Besides, I don't look at him like that anyway. Let me live my fucking life and don't make any of your stupid predictions with me about who's going to have kids first and blah blah blah. They make me sound like a creepin ass ho sometimes. Which I am far from. Shit, its not my fault that people like me. I don't have to dignify them though.. if I dignified every person who liked me, I would be a very unhappy person, and things would have happened that I would regret now. Nature takes its own course.

Don't get me wrong, I still care about them, but if anyone knows me even a little bit they know I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. I don't care if it makes you cry or whatever. Maybe I'm the fucked up one. But I just had to get that out of my head and let it be known how I am and the way it goes. Nothing I said can't be repeated in person. But this is the gentle, calm, less harsh version. I still love my friendss, they make a part of my character, and I would hate to lose them completely. But I think we all need to be in one place and talk this shit out. I want to speak my mind. And they can say their feelings to me too. I don't care. Its for the better. Instead of pretending shit is dandy and cool and just throw a best friend title on me, let me KNOW. Tell me that its not just a front. Because we are the most distant best friends I have ever seen in my 18 years of existence on this dear planet.

I don't pick favorites, but they make it so hard. And none of them have a blogspot, so they probably should never see this, but if they do, so be it. Maybe I'll give them the link to it. I don't want to seem like I'm asking for attention but damn, I'm just not going to be quiet anymore.

This is the longest it has ever taken me to write any blog...ever. as much as I love to prove a point, I don't like saying things quite like this. Perhaps I'll get over it. =]

what's up.

The compostion of other people's blogs have made me remember that I, too, have a blog. lol

I've been okay, we're on our summer break and I have been very relaxed. I recently got a new phone, the G1, which isn't the best phone, but it's practical enough for my uses. Its while, with a clear plastic case, and contrary to my expectations, it is a pretty attractive phone. 

I've been prompted to write because the same thing always happens to me. People always make me think, they really do, and when I hear other people's issue's, it makes me analyze my own similar situations and dilemmas. So here I am going to write about a few different things: future, family, friends...blahhhh

My future is not really blurry, but its not bvery clear either. I have always had an interest in science, most definitely. Whether it was Aeronautics, chemistry, forensics, or biology, it was always science. My old interests always come back, and make me try to reconsider my plans. I have always loved aeronautics, but I didn't pursue it because engineering is very hard and very competitive and it isn't guaranteed to become a successful aeronautic engineer. besides, if i ever did that, I would want to work for Boeing, Lockheed Martin, or Airbus. BIG name aero companies. I still have an interest in forensics, not that this is important but I watch CSI like every day in deep interest. I still am interested in medicine. But I just don't know what kind of medicine yet. But that's okay, because many doctors don't even specialize until residency anyway. But I have a great interest in American Politics and some parts of American history. I am a political science minor, so I think I'm doing okay.

My family is the same mess it has always been, but they're great nonetheless. There are about 22 people in this house as I speak, and they are very loud. I did my two year old cousin's (but since she's youngshe calls me Auntie Tosin) hair, and boy she can talk. She told me that she was a princess. Lol. Someone broke a glass, another fell from a chair and busted her lip, another one of them got their hand stuck in a jar. While I hate being immesely occupied, these kids sure do amuse me. I find it funny that these kids break up into little cliques and get into little arguments. My little brother was holding a 6 month old, and his diaper was a little overdue...poop got on his shirt, I died laughingas I took the baby away from him. lol enough about this madness.

My friends. Ohgeez, my friends. I have some pretty interesting friends. I tell you. Its like mixing and matching. You have fun with a certain combination of friends. When all of them are present at the same time, someone gets either angry or irritated. Otherwise it can just be awkward and boring. Some of them have become distant, which is normal at this age. I barely converse with Jessica or Kiersten anymore, but at one point, they were my closest friends. Not saying that  have a problem, its just natural and people drift, things are becoming real. Things could change, but  I think as far as common interests, we really aren't the same.(you know, besides music). Brittany and Jasmine have been drifting from me since high school, but I still to them from time to time just to touch bases with them. Again, I'm just a little odd compared to them, and they know it, I'm weird. lol But It's still fun to talk to them, because they are really funny and  always have something to share with me. It's never silent on the phone lol. Brittany (Elite) and Albert seem to be the people I talk to the most often, we really haven't changed. I talk to them on the phone pretty often, although I haven't seen either of them since December.Haha. I'm really content with my friends though. Even though all of them are a pain in my ass. lol.

Well that's pretty much my update on everything, I'll try toupdate more often, and I have really been meaning to edit my blog layout but I just don't feel like it so if you would excuse me, I have to return to my family cookout activities. =]

Bringing Freshman Year to a Close

Soo

It has finally come to the end of my freshman year in college. Its been real. REAL. It was pretty interesting because so much happened this school year. I've been amused. I've been pissed off, I'm been all but an exception. I don't regret this year at all...well maybe I could have been more serious...but nonetheless, I am pretty satisfied with this school year. I met some cool people. I met some annoying people as well. There are some people in particular that I can see myself still keeping contact with in 5 years. It has been quite alright to say the least. The people in my residence hall have been amazing. Its almost sad when you start realizing that after Friday, we will no longer be residents of Lowell M. Sowers Residence Hall (don't ask why I even noticed). No more annoying knocks on the door from people asking for something, no more noisy neighbors, no more fights (haha). I think that I have connected with some of the people here, and that is pretty cool. Not saying that this was the most spectacular year ever, but it was one hell of an academic year.

I will not miss those triflin girls that like to leave period blood trails on the bathroom floor, leave hair in the shower drains, get hair dye all over the place, leave loogies in the sink drains, and improperly wrap sanitary pads. I will not miss the fact that our room always smelled like food in the afternoon because we live right on top of a restaurant. I will not miss the random knocks at odd hours of the day. I will not miss the people who annoyed me (well at least not their annoying tendencies). I will not miss the people at the restaurant downstairs waking me up at wee hours with their boombox and reversing food trucks.

But mostly the biggest change that I will have to got through next year is my living situation. I have rented an apartment with two of my friends. So, Morgan will no longer be my roommate.

So she finally gets her shine... Morgan is one of the most eccentric people (or obsessive?) people that I have ever met in my life. There are not too many people that can share the same sense of humor that I have.  Laugh at things that aren't funny (or meant to be). Break up relationship fights with. Help out drunk neighbors and laugh when they aren't looking. She is annoying bitch, but she was an awesome annoying bitch. Life at FSU would not have been as amusing as it was with her. Next year will still be pretty amusing, but it will never emulate or surpass the merryment that I had with Morgan. So, yes, bitch, when you read this, just know...you are pretty fucking amazing. (don't get hyped.) We have like a million insiders and its really funny because in 10th grade when we had Chemistry together, we would have never figured that we would be living with each other for 9 consecutive months. She puts up with my strange (and probably annoying) tendencies. So, will all that said, we (and I) will miss that ho.

As far as my academics, I am definitely going to step up the game next semester. I can't wait to bring the grades where they need to be.

I really don't have much to say, other than the fact that I'm waiting for my dad to get here so he can come get me (and my belongings.)

i'm a bit inspired..

Despite the fact that it's 6:47 am, and I really should be asleep like everyone else in the dorm (except my roommate, morgan...she's up with me). But we want to go get breakfast this morning, and we didn't got to bed until almost 6am so we decided to stay up. I was up studying for today's lab practical - wish me luck by the way- and you know, that has led me to write a blog....you know, among other things.

Okay, so like I was on facebook earlier and somebody posted a video on someone else's wall. it was a video of a beat-boxing flute player named Greg Pattillo. He is effing AMAZING. Here's one of his videos...

but I feel inspired because I went to his youtube account and he also has a video of him performing at the subway in new york..in front of the Q train. but this time he was playing with a cellist. I used to be a cellist, and when i saw this collaboration, it kind of makes me want to perfect my string instrument game. I don't have a cello anymore, though, but I do have a violin. however, my violin has a bad A string, and it sounds "absolutely dreadful" to the ear. 

But I remember when me and Kiersten used to play our instruments together because we were the only ones in out group of friends who could play instruments. She plays the flute and the piano primarily, and she can also play guitar. I play the piano and the string instruments, I am still learning the guitar, and we both can play the drums. We used to play around, and at one point, considered starting a group with jessica, since she sings...heheheh

but you know, that never went anywhere. but I really think instruemental music is the best thing that ever happened to me, and i would be nothing without it. i just wish that i had more time on my hands to practice. hopefully this summer i can get good at my instruments again.

things like this make me miss band.

but that video really made my day, believe it or not. That guy is AMAZING and if her ever came in the Baltimore area, me and Kiersten are going to go watch him. :)

yahhhhhh trick yahhhhhh...lol

greetings earthlings...

heheh

but anyways... I've noticed a grossly increasing number of readership...and that's pretty cool.

in other news, I have like 9 or 10 days left in Frostburg, and I'm kinda excited. I just want to do well on my finals and all that jazz, and hopefully my grades turn out the way I want them to. I have a crapload of work to do, so I really don't understand why I am writing this blog. But you know, sometimes you need to break the monotony.

I have a lot in store for the summer ahead of me. I am looking forward to it, and can't express how relieved I will be when finals are over. It is CRUNCH TIME.

Hmm...what else has happened lately? Nothing really, I've just been doing homework. I have been rather irritated with certain individuals simply because they like to waste my time. it's not that serious, but it just perplexes me when people do things sometimes. and i also am confused by the intentions and wishes of today's youth. [how diplomatic i sound.]

I really have nothing to talk about, and it would help if I had some ideas on things to write about. Uhhhhhh so, I think I'll end this, and with that being said, wish me good luck on my finals and stuff.

haha=]

of a different variety.

So I haven't written in a couple days. Not that I planned to write every day or something but I just thought that would be enough to say. 

But anyways, we have a little over two weeks left in the semester, and I am happy to say the least. I don't want to get too excited, because I still need to keep myself focused enough to close in for the year and get decent grades. I can not afford to slip. I'm trying to stay focused, but the worrysome and distracted person that I am won't allow me to. But fuck that, I will prevail. haha.

OH! and in other news, I pierced my own cartilage on Tuesday. Morgan and I did our own ears. And it did hurt. But not enough to cry. But the stupid thing I did was I put a nickel-alloy earring in it...I'm allergic to nickel... SO I don't feel too smart right now, but hopefully the force is with me and my ear doesn't react negatively to it :-/ I'm pretty sure it will because every time my skin comes in contact with a nickel,  it starts itching and I get raised bumps, and sometimes fluid comes out...gross, yes, but it's true. So I'm allergic to most belt buckles, some bra snaps, buttons, necklaces, keys, or anything that contains nickel. I need to go get a titanium earring for it. The pin that I pierced it with probably has nickel in it, too. =[

But if the force acts with me, I'll be fine like my mother tried to assure me to believe. But she told me it it starts reacting funny, I should take it out, and I could always get it done professionally on the other ear while it heals. I don't really think I regret it, I'm just kind of skeptical of the outcome. I would actually feel the safest if I used a hollow piercing needle... but anyway it's all good.

On other notes, I just came from a UPC (University Programming Council) interview. I think it went well, and hopefully I get chosen to be on the exec board next semester. 

LMAO. My statistics professor sent all his students a very amusing picture (it's amusing considering the circumstances that the world is currently under)

click here to see =]

I just could not believe the humor of that. haha

well, thanks for reading. I tend to use my twitter more nowadays, so follow me on twitter:

www.twitter.com/tripscore

events and such.

I've ha a pretty interesting week. It was Earth Week, and a lot of events went on around the campus. All kinds of fundraisers and charity events were going on. Me being a Bio major, its all I've been hearing about all week.

But yesterday was Relay for Life, and most of the organizations of Frostburg State were there. Fraternities, Sororities, Sports Teams, Leadership Programs. I'm part of the Pre-Professional Medical Society, and we had to stay there for a REALLY long time. Relay for life was from 6pm to 6am this morning. I was there from like 7pm to about 5am. So I was there for a while. Pre Med Society raised the most money....

Oh, by the way, Relay for Life is a walk for cancer awareness and support. I've had a family member recently survive cancer, so the whole event was pretty cool. There was like a vigil for all the cancer survivors and those who lost their lives to cancer. I took some pictures too.

this looked really cool=]

me; sometime at 8pm

moesha and toesha.

lol

right before we left.

here's her blog by the way.

stuff.

I don't have much to say today, besides the fact that I've been pretty busy. It has been a good week though, and for that I am grateful. I have a lab practical on Friday, and I'm not sure how well I'm going to do on it, but I'm pretty confident that I will pass. Statistics is kicking my ass, but I won't surrender to it, I've come too far to stop now. Besides, I have a B.

I still have to send in my job and internship applications before I wrap up this semester. Next semester I'm going to have a plate full of events because I have signed up to do a lot. I need to be more active on campus, and get a little bit going on for me to put on my resume. Currently, I'm only involved in the Pre-Professional Medical Society. 

But anyway...

I am really looking forward to this summer, even though most of it I porbably won't be sitting around enjoying myself. I'm just excited to take a break from the full-time student thing. I'm still going to be taking classes this summer, though. One online Psych class, and possibly a Chemistry class. I still have to work and all that stuff too. But honestly, I'm more concerned about school than making money at this time. Next year, I might be a tutor for Biology 149...so there's some stipend there too.

Kicking into overdrive.

Besides school and working and camp counseling at my youngest brother's school, I will try to squeeze in time to go places and do stuff. I am going to New York at least one time this summer. Definitely will be taking the MARC train to Washington, DC as well. I'll also go party with everyone, its been a really long time.

So, I am looking forward to that. So, i'll be working extra hard until the semester is finally over..then home I come.

sdlkflkjaskl;fjwijrlkgfnelkrfnglknrlngekngklnw;gkja

so much to do, so little time.

ok.

adios.

a beautiful day.

"A morning shower is like a rebirth, reflections of the womb, crazy sentimental floating in lukewarm placental, Now I chop a burden on the sink trying not to think about what 

Lies before me but the sun just reassured me that 
Everythings gonna be allright, the last thing on my mind is tonight..." -Travis McCoy, Gym Class Heroes, A Beautiful Day

I'm feeling enlightened today. I really am. Maybe because the weather is nice, because that kind of makes me a little happy when the weather is nice. puts me in a fantastical mood. muuch better than yesterday. we have a few weeks of school left, so hopefully they'll be fun. i don't like to dwell on the fact that i'm in a shithole of a town, i'd rather just embrace positive things about it. i'm not really bent on going home, i'm not homesick, however, i do miss some things about being home. moping around about not being home is a waste of time and emotion. so i just live life one day at a time. no point in being all depressed and what have you, because in the end, it does nothing but make me look like a sap. haha.

too young to be depressed. so anyway, hopefully its fun, i want to really get out and do something for a change hopefully if i find time and audacity to do it. these days i spend less time in my room because i need a change of scenery. i did a little cleaning up today because i was sick of looking at the mess that was on my side of the room. and as far as not being in th4e room as much as i could be, i get more done elsewhere, too. i'm tired of looking at the same 8 (or so) walls in here. i even changed my sheets to green. (^_^)

so shannon and i were talking about getting out more, and she was saying that you kinda miss out on the whole college experience when you're inside doing nothing. which is true. so like we decided to go out today, even though it probably won't happen (never does)...but you never know. and even if we do get out, we probably won't find anywhere to go. but the point is, getting out and doing something other than sitting around in boredom.

i just feel enlightened. its like no holding back time. no pessimism today. maybe tomorrow when i have to do homework and shit. but not today. but i think i always feel like this on saturdays.

so in this few weeks that we have left..."i'ma do it up." lmaoo

FML.

I'm not really stressed. But I'm not really cool either. I'm just crazy irritated. I don't really know why I am so irritated. I just find it so hard to keep things together. Like, I'm usually a pretty neat and organized person. I don't know what the  fuck is going on with my life, but my living quarters are a hot ass mess. My drawers in my desk don't even close because they're full of papers and other bullshit that I need to take care of. I have a lot of work to do and it bothers me because I never get the chance to do it.  I really don't have much pending now, but there have been days where I just said, "'Fuck this." and went to sleep. Mind you, this was probably at 5:00 in the morning.

I find it very hard to be satisfied because I don't really want to call myself a perfectionist, but I just have certain tendencies that cause me to get rather irritated. Sometimes I'm very grateful for being able to supress my anger. I get very pissed off, but I just don't show it because it draws attention, and the last thing I want is unnecessary attention. i find myself stopping myself from saying or doing things quite often these days. 

OH MY FUCKING GOSH. my english teacher fucking called me today saying that there was something wrong with a transition in my essay or something so my paper failed, but she's giving me a chance to fix it. By the way, if we fail this paper, WE FAIL THE COURSE. I was rather heated, but I calmed myself, and just went to read my essay again. I am going to fix the problem, and that bitch better not fail my motherfucking paper.

I went to the lounge to call her back to reason with her. And I swear I had to call her 7 times before the damn line was clear. UGHH. I was kinda almost shaking a little bit out of anger, because I get really angry about my grades. especially if its an irrelevant subject like English. I envisioned myself throwing one of the chairs in the lounge through the wall. I think I almost did it. But you know, I quickly got over that.

I just advise people to avoid my angry persona because it's something that has gotten me in trouble many times, and its just a part of me that I would like to get rid of, but can't. But luckily, people think I'm very calm and collected and unable to get angry. It does take a lot to make me angry, but its just something that none of us want. 

I kind of envisioned myself ripping my laptop apart too. haha.

oh......shit.

lol

but i need a stress reliever. or supressant. like a drink or something. i think i'd be very enlightened. haha.

later days.

Really? Another Reconsideration.

So you know how they say the average college student changes their major at least once? Well I don't really feel the desire to change my major, I just feel like I need some serious backup plans. I don't really know why I want to go to medical school. I'm not sure if its because I think its what I really want to do, or if that is what my mother is supporting. When I told her I wanted to go into aeronautics when I was in high school, she wasn't really happy about that. I think that I still want to do science, and possibly still do something medical, but I'm just not sure if the General Practitioner thing is for me.  I  like the idea of helping people feel better, but I feel like I need to be doing something 'cooler'.

So, I'm just evaluating my options, but I think the person that I really need to talk to is my dad. My mother would not understand what I'm saying and where I'm coming from, and she would be very disappointed. But i'm not even saying that I'm completely ruling medical school out. I just need some alternative plans in case that doesn't work. But I think my dad will have a better viewpoint because he is less biased, and he also probably never intended to do what he is doing now. He is smart enough to have gone to medical school, and also enough to go be a professor. However, he has a Doctorate of Business Administration (DBA), and he was an accountant before he got more experience in managing a contracting company. So, I'll just ask for his opinion before turning to my hot tempered mother. =]

As far as people's common misconceptions about doctors and medical schools, I don't really listen to them because most of them have no idea what it takes and requires. Most people believe that doctors have no lives, hardly ever get married or date, and are in school or working forever. There are some doctors that stay on call, and work long hours. Most of them are trauma surgeons, or ER doctors, the rest of them are OB/GYNs. General Practice doctors have office hours, and usually work in clinics. Some work in hospitals. They spend the rest of their time doing what they desire.

I come from a family with several doctors in them, and all of them are happily married and had their share of love life, and clubbing days. Life is simply what you make out of it.

I feel like this is a vvery ininteresting blog because its talking about me, and I don't really like to talk about things that bother me. So this one really wasn't written to entertain anyone, it was just written out of spontaneous thought.

But I just think that it's weird how two people I know both changed their minds about being doctors, and I was even currently in the consideration of keeping or not keeping the medical school goal. One of my previous blogs actually brought up the issue. 

But if all goes well, I'll be happy, and making a plentiful, yet not ridiculous salary. I just want to be well off. I will definitely finish more than a bachelor's degree, no doubt, but I just don't know which doctorate or master's I will be completing. I'm still keeping my aeronautics interests in mind. Maybe I'll be flying planes or managing air traffic control.

MaybeI'll be a surgeon. Maybe I'll be a gynecologist. Maybe I'll be a dentist. Maybe I'll do something else. Its all a matter of fate.

April 13, 2009..nothing special

So today was actually a pretty good day, despite the fact that I hate Mondays. I got three exams back, two of which i passed...the lab practical....ehhh. I'll do better the next time. I'm going to do like a lot of extra credit for Biology so I can have a sweet grade. 

Today was a good day, I had lab today, and we dissected a crayfish and a sea star (its not really a fish, so I'm not going to call it a 'starfish'.) It was actually kind of cool, you know, despite the smell of it all. I just really find aminal anatomy interesting. I just like science and I always have, like it has always been my favorite subject. So the crayfish was a little more interesting to cut open than the starfish because there are more complex organs in them and whatnot. Edward (study buddy, lab partner, or as he says, "partner in crime") was having a little too much fun with it though. At least he cleaned my knives, probes and pins. 

Take a look.

haha. it actually looks like i'm really doing something special.

....

This summer, I'll also be teaching children Biology, thanks to my mom. =/ I'm not sure how this is going to go. My youngest brother is in 2nd grade, and they are going to a wildlife camp, and they need teachers and counselors. I just HAPPENED to be a Biology major, so my mom volunteered me.

But it should be amusing. I do like kids. So that is going to consume a week of my life.

i really can't wait until this summer, even though i have to take some General Education courses hopefully to get more credits. But i'm working constantly. I have to take classes, work, and hopefully get an internship.

But its all good...

by the way, look what I saw the other day...

LMFAO.

Medical School, Dentistry, DAT, MCAT

As many of you already know, I am a Biology Pre-Health Major, and I plan to apply to medical school at the end of my Undergraduate Career. I really want to stick with my goals, and keep my priorities in line, because it is extremely hard to get into medical school. You need at least a 3.5 cumulative GPA, and a 30- something or higher on the MCAT on average. Meaning that people with less might get in, and people with more will get in. The acceptance rates for medical schools are very,very low. Studies show that half of the people that apply to medical schools get rejected from every single one they apply to. Which is my fear. I'm actually a little frightened, because I haven't really thought of a back-up plan. If I don't do too well with that, I am going to take the DAT, and apply to a school of dentistry. If that doesn't work, I'll have to reevaluate my plan and maybe consider graduate school before applying to medical school again.

That is what I really think that I want to do, and if all of that fails, I'll turn to Piloting for a major airline, and managing air traffic control. Which is kind of not what my parents would go crazy for. But you know, I'm trying. Its really hard to get the grades that you want, because I just ahve a lot to do, andmy attention span is terrible. I get distracted so easily, and it feels like the people that don't have plans to go to medical school don't understand how hard it is, and why we work so hard. I consider myself to be very lazy compared to the way that I feel like I should be working. So from now on, I'm going to work harder than I ever have worked before, and put my schoolwork before everything else. Its all a big competition now.

I'm also going to be a political science minor, so I have to finish all the coursework for that too. But I'm just hoping and praying that things go well for me, and I actually do make it into medical school. I really just hope that everything goes well and the way I planned it. If not, dentistry school is going to be my next option. If I can't go into medicine, I want to be an orthodontist and get a DDS. Either way, the title, "Dr." will be in front of my name.

Anyone else in the same pickle?

reconsideration.contemplation.realization

Just trying to keep a level head..

However, before I go to bed.

I stop to think of the possibilities

of hypothetical discrepancies-

Like "What if?" this, and

"What if?" that.

Places I could have been,

Things I could have seen,

Moments I could have savored

Other events that I probably should have favored.

Like decisions that I must make, and

Precautions I should take

I need a back up plan...

If I can't do this, there's something I can.

I have a purpose here;

But failure is my biggest fear

I continue to worry about my fate

I want to know NOW, I don't want to wait!

As I lay here stressing,

I count my blessings,

and think thoughts that are far from depressing...

I have a plan

that I can

fulfill my dreams

though it seems 

a little far-fetched right now...

But I'm not letting anything impede my sight now.

I think of the sweet smell of that Biology sash...

"I Can See Clearly Now", like Johnny Nash [haha]

But I will prevail, my plans won't flop....

It's 3:31am, I really have to stop...

music makes me happy.

So, I got my MIDI keyboard to work on my computer with FL Studio! I am very happy to say the least. So I've just been playing around with it so hopefully in the next 2 weeks or so, I can record a track and put it up on my music page. Many people don't know that I have one, I've actually had it since April 2006. Haha. But, I will kinda try to do it this time. See, When I made the music page, I didn't have the keyboard and stuff to do, and I kind of was still learning to use different audio editing programs. Then I got the equipment in 2007, and the software that came with it didn't work =[. So I kind of held off on it for a while, until I started playing with Virtual DJ and KeyStudio recently. 

So today, I got the darn keyboard to work. I'm happy...and I will be using much more often, now that it actually works...haha. But don't get me mistaken, I won't waste time too much, I do have a lot of work to do. I had to plan next semester's classes, and I'm looking at 17 credits so far...and the limit is 17.5 credits. Most students try to take an average of 15 or less. But I have to stay on top of my studies so I can graduate on time. Biology majors rarely graduate in 4 years because of all the required coursework that they must complete to get their degree and to fulfill the school's requirements. But fuck that, I will graduate on time. Yes sirrrrr. Maybe early if I can do it. =] 

But the point is, I'm not going to let that consume my time. When I have extra time, I'll either be sleeping, on the internet, or doing this music thing.

But I'm excited.

as soon as I get myself together, I'll post the link to my myspace music page. thanksssssssss

UGH.

Currently, i'm trying to get all my assignments done and turned in on time. I won't lie, it's starting  to get to me. Sometimes i wonder how people are fucking around partying and sleeping all day and night, but still manage to get decent grades. i guess it depends on your major and how dedicated you are. I am a pretty dedicated person when it comes to my grades. I have a phobia of failing. I may not show it, but I am really terrified of failing. Not like I haven't failed things before, but it just really bothers me when my assignments aren't top notch. 

And since my major is biology, I have to do a lot more than people in some of the other programs. I am also a chemistry minor, and it annoys me that I never have a day that I don't have any homework to do. That's really not a problem. I just get tired of staying up until 4am or later studying for some big exam or writing papers or doing math homework. Its hard to do other priorities. I have to find a job or internship in case the one I applied for doesn't work out. i need to save some more money in my account also. I have to worry about a lot of crap. Scholarship applications, too.

I don't like to complain about stuff, but quite frankly, I am stressed. I'm a Pre-Med student, so my grades have to be FLAWLESS. I can't fail anything, and i can barely afford any C's. Its a lot of pressure, but i suppose in the end it will all be worth it.

I just finished some English Homework, and I am about to finish up some math homework...at 3:30 in the morning. I just can't wait until the weekend when I can catch up on sleep. But pray for me, I'll definitely need it. =]

And also, I dissected an earthworm today. It was kinda cool, I can't wait to get to the pig fetuses. =]

Africa, the Beautiful....

I know people are tired of hearing this from me. I hate African stereotypes. I don't really get attacked by the stereotypes as often as others because...well, let's just say my family's a little well off. I still hear the stereotypes, though. I hate them. I laugh them off sometimes, or if its just a joke, I'm okay with that, but I really do hate it when people who know nothing about Africa say bad things about. The africans are talking about you Americans, too.

So to clear things up a little bit, I'm going to show some patriotism and some support for the beautiful continent. 

Africa is not a country, it is a continent made up of 53 countries. Some of the prettiest beaches are in Africa. Africa is home to some of the most prosperous nations.

Here are some pictures i found in a Facebook Group called : The Africa They Never Show You.

heres the URL to it:)

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=7228515974

And it doesn't stop there. Check out the link I posted to see more of what I'm talking about. Yes, there are some impoverished parts of Africa, and others simply choose to live in the villages. Everybody in Africa does not look they way they are depicted in the media.

With that said, enjoy those pictures, hopefully I made a valid point.

Religion, or Not.

As far as religion is concerned, many people don't know where I stand, or what I believe because I usually brush off the topic, and I never talk about it.

I'm not a very religious person. I grew up in a Nigerian Christian family. We didn't go to church that much, but a majority of my childhood I do remember being at church. I never really cared what I was going to church for, I just wanted to see my friends there. And I got to dress up real nice. I had no interest in what was going on in Sunday School. I think the only reason I paid attention was so that when Aunty Esther (the SS teacher) called on me, I could answer the question and not get slapped. In my family's culture, you are allowed to be slapped when you deserve it. No matter who the person is. Aunt, Uncle, parent's friend, etc. That woman was tough, and her pinches and hits HURT.  

Anywho, like most children, I didn't really understand the purpose of religion, I just went along with it. I did believe in Jesus and all the stories that I read in the Bible. It was just a part of life to me. Then, we moved, and church was too far to travel to anymore. we stopped going for years. I still believed in God and such, but I was never passionate about Him. My godmother enrolled me into a program called AWANA (Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed). We had to recite verses from out handbooks and get signatures on them. when we got to a certain point, we would advance to a new level. It was kind of like Boy/Girl Scouts. We had uniforms with ranks on them and everything. I completed a pretty good rank. I was very interested in the AWANA Olympics, I got a medal every year i went. It was a series of races and obstacle courses. It was a lot of fun.

I turned 13, and had to go join JV (Junior Varsity). They don't do any of the fun stuff that the kids did. we sat in a room and listened to someone drone on and on in the front of the room. I thought, "Fuck this" and stopped going. I did still have some faith in God. it wasn't until my 10th grade year that i started questioning God's validity. I became interested in knowing about other religions. I didn't really understand how so many religions can co-exist. So I started thinking, "Well, one of them must be the right one. but which one?" I'd never convert to any other religion. I started to think...maybe there isn't really such thing as a higher God. I thought it was all a system that was designed to create morals and ethics for mankind. I became Agnostic, constantly questioning things about religion and what really happens when a person dies. I had less faith in myself, and started to not care about anything at all. In my 11th grade year, my aunt started taking me to Jesus House Baltimore with her. I really did not want to go. I hated waking up in the morning knowing that I was about to sit in a church for 3 hours or more. But something was different. Even though I was probably thinking everything that the Pastor was saying was staged and hogwash, he  was very interesting to listen to. He had a sense of humor, and seemed to have a way with words. I didn't mind listening to his sermons. It was also a very nice church. The members were very involved. i also noticed the non-secular nature of the church. People of any Christian denomination can attend the church. The church had flags of many different countries on its walls. It was a predominantly Nigerian church, like I was used to, but people of other ethnicities and nationalities also came to join them. It was so cool how that church was so dynamic in attracting members. I started to lighten up.  Then, I no longer had time to go, which was okay, because that church made me realize how a common interest  can bring so many people together. There are people that are married to people they met  at that church. Babies get christened there. And the way my Nigerians rejoice is just so amazing. 

So months later, after I graduated from high school, my mom came across the pastor of the church I attended when I was younger. He had left the Parish that he used to preach for, and was now starting a new church. We went there one sunday. That church was a single room with about 5 members, not including my mother, brothers and I. They forced me to start coming to choir practice. I HATED IT. I know that they could tell that I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to sing for them. the only time that i ever sing is when I'm playing my piano. I stayed with them for one sunday. I couldn't wait to get home. I told my mother that I didn't want to go anymore. She understood, because they were very persistent people. If you didn't come to church one day, THEY WILL CALL YOU. So it came to the time that I was preparing to leave for college. They came to my going away party. That was the last time I ever saw them. i was so glad that i didn't have to go there anymore. Nothing against them, it just isn't my thing.

So I guess I can say I've come to terms with myself. I don't classify myself as being under any denomination of Christianity. i'm not devoutly religious. I still do believe in God. I'm just not the same as everyone else.

So this is my message. Follow what  YOU believe in, you'll have a lot more fun in life.